Anxiety is a normal and healthy emotion. I’m sure it doesn’t feel healthy or normal. Anxiety can be built up from emotions and events. I developed anxiety when I was pregnant with my daughter. I was anxious about everything. Even something as simple as going to work and seeing so many people. I ‘m not married and I’m pregnant. Being afraid of being judged and asked questions that I don’t want to answer. When I was in labor, I had a panic attack because the Dr. told me she had to cut me open. I immediately panicked. I was also in the room alone when I got the news. I didn’t have anyone to lean on. My child’s father thought it was more important to go smoke a blunt then to be with me while I was in labor. Richard/little bitch ass! (See Blog “Fairy Tales”.) I had to have an emergency cesarean because my baby’s heart rate dropped. I had 2 epidurals and I still had feeling in my legs. When they rushed me to the operating room, I felt the coldness of them cutting my abdomen. Still alone by the way. I was still freaking out that this was happening. I had a plan for my delivery, and it wasn’t happening. So, they put me out while they finished but I could still hear a little. I heard my baby cry, while I was in a daze. When I woke up, I saw this beautiful little face looking at me. As they were stitching me up, Asshole comes in. Of course, I didn’t plan to have this cesarean, but I didn’t care anymore after I saw my baby. The anxiety took over me. Long story short, he’s gone. A few months go by and I realize I have postpartum depression. I went to my primary care physician and she prescribed me some meds. I felt like a zombie for a week. I was functioning but I felt sad while taking it. Just numb to the world. I was unable to feel, and everything was hazy. I stopped taking it because being a single mother I wanted to be able to feel and be aware of my surroundings. I was depressed in a way as well. I was alone taking care of my first baby by myself. But I made it out. I started thinking positive. Started looking for a better job. I tried to get back into things I used to do before I had my child. It takes time but eventually I felt okay again. I found my happiness again. Depression can be a little deeper in the soul. It makes you sad for days at a time and you want to just lay around and do nothing. It makes you want to crawl into a hole and hibernate for months. Depression is a mood where you lose interest in almost everything. You can miss out on a lot of things in life if you have serious depression/ bipolar depression/ manic depression. Some doctors will prescribe you meds to regulate your symptoms. Sometimes they work sometimes they don’t. Sometimes you must take multiple strengths and brands to figure out which one works best for you. A lot of people don’t manage their depression well and won’t get help. Most don’t know how to get help or are afraid to speak about it. Speaking about it to friends and family can help you feel better even if you think they won’t understand. It should help you feel better either way. Always remember someone out there loves you and is rooting for you to be the best you, you can be!
To get help go to https://www.crisistextline.org/depression.
(Nicki Minaj – “Save Me”.)
(Logic – “1-800-273-8255”.)