Dead Weight

When you look at yourself in the mirror what do you see? Are you happy with what you see? I recently decided to lose some weight. Some people around me tell me that I don’t need to lose anything and that I’m fine. Telling me I haven’t found the right person to love me, for me. To give me the confidence to not go crazy with losing weight. I’m 5 feet nothing. Yes, to most people you may think that I don’t need to lose anything. But this is about me. I had a baby 2 years ago and I feel I let myself go. I used to weigh 125 now I feel like I’m over the edge. I don’t like the scale so I’m not sure exactly how much I weigh. But I know that I am heavier than I used to be. I know that I am smaller than most people but I feel like I need to lose some in certain areas of my body. It’s not about what society wants and what they say you’re supposed to weigh. I put on clothes pre pregnancy and they don’t fit. I stick to leggings and T-shirt’s. It’s comfortable and I can dress leggings up or down. It’s a win, win situation for me. I could careless if my mother calls me fat. Let’s be real, she’s bigger than me. But I’m fat? Okay. The verdict is still out on that one. But this is for me. I rarely do things for me. So if I want to wear something skin tight I will feel secure. I have a love hate relationship with food. I like to call myself the “snack demon” and the “rice queen”. I cut all the bad stuff cold turkey. I couldn’t find the time to exercise while being a single mother without feeling guilty about ignoring my child. I could incorporate my child in my workouts but she’s 2 years old. She will do 1 thing with me then go right back to Minnie Mouse. If I lay on the floor she jumps on me. I’ve tried it. I think it’s okay to have some time to myself sometimes. I think I need it more than I actually think. I just have to find the balance. I usually get up and workout while she’s still asleep 5 or 6am. One of the doctors at the office actually saw me eating lunch and told me my snack wasn’t very healthy. My reply was “ but it tastes good.” I realize I have to set a better example for my child. Although I have all of these food allergies and I cannot eat what I give her. There are better things to snack on than cheese doodles. I do know that most things that work for others may not work for me. Same thing with my hair. I’ll save that for another blog. But I since eating better and exercising. I don’t feel heavy or bloated and stuffed after I eat. Finding things to snack on when I want to lose weight and you have tons of allergies is hard. I did find a few things like different cheeses and rice cakes with organic peanut butter. Less sugar plus protein. I am also trying these pills but I’m not sure how I feel about them. I do sweat a lot more but the verdict is still out on them. Overall, I feel a lot better. I can tell in the way that I walk I feel less jiggle. I feel more firm and strong. I definitely got my wind up which is huge for me living with asthma. If you feel like you let yourself go. Do better. Don’t make excuses. Just do it. You only get 1 chance at life. Eating the wrong things can lead to health problems also. Get on it. I’m trying. I don’t see why you can’t.

(Kanye West – “The New Workout Plan”.)

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